Laurin's Life

6

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 16:00:57 GMT

6 days left till i leave for europe, i cant wait! but yea these past days without mandy are sucky, i have none to talk to and it just sucks, but anyway i really dont have alot to write, my life is quite boring, and i havent really been out of the house so nothing has happened, more later mayebe, if something comes up, see ya -lu

poot

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 04:23:19 GMT

mandys in mexiccco and she got there safe!

blllah

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 20:08:46 GMT

with mandy being gone i really have noone to talk to, lee works like early till 10 everynight and then is out hanging out with his cuzions and never gets time off and if he does hes busy anyway and i havent had a call from him in a long time, but wahtever work is work, things are hetic, i got this new program to download music with and its aweosme ihave downlaoded so much shit.. and yea i have nothing to talk about, i miss mandy lots..

europe 8 days

cRaZZZZy

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 02:45:57 GMT

me n mandy had a fuckign crazy as hell weekend, and its one that i will never forget, to recap events, friday we snuck to travis house and had alot of fun, walked to a park got shot by little kids with aquirt guns, we went back to her house and then went to the ASS fest and met up with travs again and yea it was awesome, and saturday we went to the zoo lol and had an awesome time, and my older cuz bought us dinner there and hes awesome hes really into punk 2 even thou hes like 26 and we were talkign about music, hes so cool, then we went back to ASS fest with lee this time where i got completly hit on my a dyke... lol i love my lee! and lets see today we went swimming and we made a bonfire in her yeard and it was ALOT of fun haha and we "walked to the store to get food" but i had motl pick us up and take us, hes really cool, and yea.. mandy leaves tomorrow for mexico the day she gets back i leave for europe then we have about 3 days to see eachother before she leaves for 2 more weeks..its relaly depressing, we were sitting outside saying goodbye crying, it really sucks.. wont see for for a long time, i love her 2 death..

lulu and poot 4ever..

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 02:26:40 GMT

Tell Myself Goodbye Lyrics

These words roll of my tongue like second nature.
But I'm far from my womb, and you know I'm far from you.
So when do I come back to you?
Was this already written or have I fallen so far:
I can't tell the light from the dark.

I thought you had me forever.
But I'm sure you thought the same about me.
And I'm sorry, so sorry.

These dreams run through my head that frolic through some tube of my brain.
I'm going insane, I've forgotten my name.
So I'll use yours, like a dropped friend I wish I never left.
I wish I never left you. I wish I never left you.
I can't tell the light from the dark.

I thought you had me forever.
But I'm sure you thought the same about me.
And I'm sorry, so sorry.

Winter's come early this year.
Like a bird in the rain, I've tortured my everything.

The rain falls, and I never meant to leave you standing.

--------------
ive fallen in love

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 02:18:27 GMT

"Bliss Tearing Eyes"

'Cause you bleed all the time.
The pieces of a broken heart are wasted time.

And I can't forgive myself for all the things I've done.
But you, you do.

Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.

Your cells run through my veins.
The times you lifted a dead man. That's me again.

And I can't forgive myself for all the things I've done.
But you, you do.

Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause my heart is filled with loneliness.
And this world is filled with loneliness.
Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause the struggles of this world are blistering.

Bleed one more time for me.
'Cause the struggles of this world are blistering. Blistering.
'Cause you bleed all the time

--- fucking awesome, its fuckin awesome

used 2..

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 01:34:29 GMT

i used to never have friends, never feel accepted, never feel like i had a group and i used to hate group because i could never squeeze myself into one of them and i hated them but i wanted to be in one.. confusing, then i found a group i found friends, and they were awlays there, every friday, i found myself in a group and i found myself being liked, being loved, being accepted, and now, its gone, i am back to nothing, yea i have my boyfriend, and my best friend, and i love them both to death, and i guess thats all i really need to be happy, but part of me still wants that group, that feeling og acceptance, i duno mood swing i guess..

just call me lee..

BrodysDandyMandy: travis is a daddy!
Dismantled Lulu: what?!?
BrodysDandyMandy: i mean uncle!!!!
BrodysDandyMandy: whoa!
BrodysDandyMandy: sorry
Dismantled Lulu: omg
Dismantled Lulu: * heart still hasnt started beating again.*

---------------------lu

yea that

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 01:25:45 GMT

had a party after exams, i forgot about had to run get a present and wrap it real fast before my exam and then had the party, it was cool, it was a going away party for europe, which is in 14 days, yay.

havent heard from lee yet its been awhile, i duno why not, im scared..

i love my mandy, shes my everything

im willing to break myself to you dont hurt so much

more later i guess..

-lu

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 01:01:19 GMT

Love is an amazing word. It has the ability to amplify it's own worth at the speed of sound. We throw it around like it means nothing, but when recieved it means the world to us.

weee

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 00:54:26 GMT

i got sick of studying for an exam ill never pass so i went shopping and got 4 new shirts for summer/europe trip, and they are all not my style vut ilook hott in them, haha, more later.

yea so

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 21:29:24 GMT

its been awhile, and lots happened, um just the things that stick out in my mind are caras party on saturday, had fun, got thrown in the pool and fone was runied, then went to lees and spent the night there, and lets just say that was amazing, sleeping in the arms of your loved one, definatly amazing... at one point i thought he was angry, it was 3 in the morning and we were the only 2 people outside around the fire, and he threw a beer bottle at the fire, and i duno i got the impression he was mad, he wasnt saying anything jsut singing along to brandnew, and i wasnt really paying attnetion but he leaned over to me and he said " im the only broken heart youll ever need" and heh i duno what its supposed to mean or if it was good or bad, but i took it in my own way, good.. he does this thing, he looks into your eyes, for a very long time, not blinking just looking, like hes in your mind, in your heart, and in your soul, he makes you warm, and its unbelieveable, and just then he looked at me and said " i just wanna tell you now.. i love you" *kiss* UM can you say, *melted inside* well we all went out for brekfast in the morning, hehe and i didnt get caught, but it was amazing, i love him so much, i never knew that this was possible FOR ME.. i mean wow... a REAL bestfriend, a real one, and a real boyfriend.. what more can i ask for... well i duno i should really be studying for exams but ill update more later...

<3 my mandy and my lee
---Lulu----

hehe ^_^

Fri, 28 May 2004 23:32:04 GMT

FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: bitch
Dismantled Lulu: why do you insist on talking to me?
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: cause...i love to piss people off
Dismantled Lulu: you don't piss me off.
Dismantled Lulu: i don't think you could
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: well...i try that is good enought for me
Dismantled Lulu: well, thats spectacular
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: well ur a bitch...bye...have a nice day...crawling up ur own ass
Dismantled Lulu: Have a nice day to you two!
Dismantled Lulu: i mean it!
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: yea bull shit
Dismantled Lulu: honestly, i hope you have a GREAT day
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: bull shit...u wish i die
Dismantled Lulu: well, whats left of it
Dismantled Lulu: no i don't
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: well...bulll shit
Dismantled Lulu: wait, whats bullshit this time, i dont understand
Dismantled Lulu: there was nothing left to say bullshit teo
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: bull shit
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: yea...u said no i dont...and that is bull shit
Dismantled Lulu: actually, you dieing would be quite the tradegy
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: bull shit
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: u wouldnt care
Dismantled Lulu: so your saying that noone would miss you>
Dismantled Lulu: ?*
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: i am saying u wouldnt
Dismantled Lulu: well that is a tradegy if you this your own death wouldnt be a tradegy
Dismantled Lulu: think*
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: o know it would...but u would even give a shit
Dismantled Lulu: yes, i know, i would.
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: woldnt
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: qouldnt
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: wouldnt
Dismantled Lulu: there ya go
FrEaKsHoWcUtIe69: bitch
Dismantled Lulu: spectacular

its raining!

Fri, 28 May 2004 00:18:54 GMT

i was running outside in the rain like an idiot, then my dad cam out and yelled because it was lighting really bad so i had to come back in, but im soakig wet, it felt really good..

im willing

Thu, 27 May 2004 23:43:05 GMT

I'm on fire
And the day is feeling hopeless
You'd see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless
Soon I won't feel at all
No

It's electric the neon heard inside your phone call
The letter's sadness and her madness it revolves
Bringing down the walls where you found her
No

Well, I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days more reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much

And now I'm static
As your sky is turning purple and gray
I'm learning that the further that I crawl
The farther that I fall, is that ok?
No

And you're in pieces
As your world becomes a rainstorm
You've got no shelter I'm a thousand miles away
You'll survive the day

You say your leaving
You say your leaving

Well, I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days more reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much

So you don't hurt so much

Never again will the fire be done
No never again your the only one
No never again but you're already gone.

I'm willing to break myself
I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself
I'm not afraid
I'm willing to break myself
I'm not afraid

Well, I'm willing to break myself
To shake this hell from everything I touch
I'm willing to bleed for days more reds and grays
So you don't hurt so much

So much
So much
So much
So much

test results

Thu, 27 May 2004 21:54:50 GMT

just got more test results in, my moms cancer came back this time its in her forehead, upper chest, back and a spot on her neck, they have given up trying to burn/ freeze it off, and the plastic surgery didn thelp to much either, it keep scomming back right next to it, the scars on her forhead wont go away, shes had melanoma for about 3 years, and it still wont go away, no matter how much they treat it...we still wait for more test results to come in

yea that

Thu, 27 May 2004 21:16:07 GMT

my mom had to go to the hospital again, she got different tests done, and they found something, i duno the name because while my mom was telling me about it she basically passed out, so shes in bed now, sleeping, or unconcious, but what i heard was that the 2 stokes she had were caused my an eruption of blood vessels or something? its confusing, but anyway she has new meds she has to take everyday, ontop of all the other hsit she already takes, and yea so thats whats up with my mom..

-lu

it goes on

Thu, 27 May 2004 01:12:22 GMT

i went to the store after my walk to get out of this place, and got a new sketch pad, 2 thin sharpies, new eracers, and new pencils, and when i got home, i have a lovely fight with my parents, and have been accused of stealing things and money from my parents, hahaha, o yea, sad thing is i didnt steal any of it.. and then my mom started critizing my art, and shit and that just pissed me off, then i come back here and have to deal with stupid shit. and thats about all. i could go one, but i dont feel like it..

fuck you -lu-

to finish..

Wed, 26 May 2004 22:02:57 GMT

well i figured noone reads this, and if you do you prolyl read this 2, to here is a relpy, i was talking to carene, this is implace of "laurin was i dont know whating with carene " and i sat with tracy at lunch this is implace of "i dont know who the fuck she sat with i dont even wanna know if it was carene, cuz if it was i would fucking, i dont know what i would do," and well since i talked to carene, i guess i should be killed so thats implace od " i say i plead insanity and kill the whole school, cept for suzy beth and cara" and i dont really care to go on about this subject except to say one thing. yes, i talked to carene, and i know she hurt you but just because of that i cant jsut stop talkign to a person, and yes, i kno wyour in lvoe with emily, but she hurt me 2 and you still lov eher and think shes the best, and youd fuck her, and shes o so hott, well wtf she hurt me, i dont see you taking into consideration that i dont wanna talk abotu her, and i dont see you not talking to her, and yes as you said before i wasnt in love with her, ye si know this, but i was in lvoe with someone else. but thats enough.

ok well um, yea

Tue, 25 May 2004 23:39:21 GMT

ok so i dont really know where to start, lol, ok so yea, um im drawin a blank here, someone help me.. ok we will work our way backwards, about 3 minutes ago i ran upstairs and shaved part of my leg that i missed from my shower like 20 minutes ago, and before that i did alittle spanish and talked to aaron about waht car he should get, about how hes going to give my bitch a ride to see me, about his bitch, and about other shizzzznit.. and then today i had an ok day, i guess it was jsut a day, not much to say, haha that rhymed, and then last night i actually ogt to sleep in my own bed, MY OWN BED for the first time in a week! it was great, i actually got sleep, and then i dunoe verything else seems like a blurr.. sunday was my bros grat parrty, that was cool mandy n travis came over and then me n travie took mandy home and went to lees and paige was there, and um i duno, i had a weekend? me n lee got in a fight saturday, but we are ok now.. um i dont remember past that, but thats cool..well the future.. on friday i dont have plans yet but i think me n lee are going to hang out, this is his first friday he doesnt have work in a olong time, and then saturday and sunday lee is having partys at his house and i was invited to both but i think i am just going to go to the one on sunday because he says that one iwll be more fun nbecause its his family, hahahahahaha i get to meet his mom and sister! and saturday is caras party, lee was suppsoed to go but since hes having a party for his 2 cuzions than hes gotta go to that ones and then monday i dredfully ave to march in the mormial day prade.. woowee?? um no.. haha and lets seee exams next will prolly suck balls, but i dont really care anymore, i cant wait for the summer, and wow its unbelieve about how short this year seems, when this was actually a pretty bad/eventfull year, lots of tears were sheed, and lots of blood was bleed, but whatever, brothers leaving for arazona.. fuck yea, and enough now, i dont feel like typing, more later

love lulu

pretty fizzile pills

Mon, 24 May 2004 21:06:11 GMT

i havent written in a long time, alot has happend, to much to write, so i am just going to leave...

_lu_

to update you..

Tue, 18 May 2004 23:01:51 GMT

so lets see i havent written in awhile and lots has happened i guess, saturday i got to go to lees and i had alot of fun there, i read his tx's and i shouldnt have because i read some that i didnt really wanna read, and then i kinda just got in a bad mood, and didnt really show him, until he was playing the guitar for me and i was sitting in the corner and started to cry, and yea, he came over wrapped his arms around me, and we layed there in silence, with me crying silently, and him holding me, and i duno, part of me knows he really loves me, the other half has no idea, i know mass people have told me that i need to talk to him about these things, but i just cant, i know he will listin, but he wont talk, he will sit there in silence, and he does that enough, i hate it, and i cant stand it.. i hardly ever get to talk to him, and it really sucks, and then today he was txin suzy, and not me even thou i was txinhim, it was depressing, so yea, i decided that i am not going to tx and i am not going to call, or anything, and see how long he waits to call or wahtever,... i duno.. i invited him to my brothers graduatin party, and mandy n travis are comming, but he works still 2 or 3, and it ends at 6 so i dont see why he cant come after that, but we will see what happens on that topic later in the week, i made this joke once that lee had another girlfriend, she stalked him at schoo, so we called her girlfriend 2 from then on, then every girl he met at schoo,l became a girlfriend, and i duno, i dont like it, it makes me feel completly not specail and not wanted, i really hate it, and i dont wanna be a bad girlfriend or demanding for bitchy, its just id appericate a call everyonce in awhile, and a actual converstaion, i know things are weird with him now living at his cuzions, but eveytime we are on the fone its him talking to his cuzions and i get a sentence every ten minutes or so, BLAH, and i duno, i have so much i wanna tell him but i cant, and i love how when we frist were going out he was awaylys like "hey" and wait for me to say "hello" and hed say "i love you" real cute and real sincere.. i loved that, and then it stopped and now its love ya, or i love youm fast and sounding unmeaning, i dont like that, and he used to tx me random times furing the day to say i love you, that he was thinking about me or something like that, but that stopped along time ago, now he never even answers my tx's, grrrrrr i hate this and i hate how i cant say this to him, and i hate god i just hate this...just love me, please, i just wanna be loved, and i wanna be special to you, and i want you to care.... please..

i been talking to mandy more, so its good, me n her are still bestest friends.. i love my poot.

last night i did alot of errands and got a huge picture frame with 4 slots in it for pics and in one i will have the only pic i have of me n lee ( even thou the bottom of it is burnt off because i burned most of his pics when we first broke up, but i kinda looks cool) and i will have a picture of me and mandy, and then a pic of me and maria, and then a pic of me mandy and maria, its cool, so ive been painting that, and i still am not finished im taking alot of time so it looks really good...

my aunts in town all week, so shes in my room, i get the couch.. where i get no sleep, and wendsday both my grandparents are in town, so i get the floor.

tomorrow night i wont be home at all!! ill be at the dashboard concert with maria!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant wait!!!!!!!!!!

my favorite lines...

This is where I say I've had enough
And no one should ever feel the way that I feel now
A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises
And I don't believe that I'm getting any better
^^^^ this is me, dead on^^^^^^^^^^^
-dashboard confessional- saints and sailors-

we had 2 streakers in school today thou evenone already knows this, but i had a band memorzation test today and i hadnt memorized the song so i left, and thats when it happend, im sad i missed it, and yea i didnt even have to play my test...

i feel ugly, and blah..

i dont really have much more to say

....love me, fuck me, beat me, kill me........
---------Lulu---------------------

2nite

Fri, 14 May 2004 20:19:15 GMT

so yea, i duno how im getting a ride to the mall tonight, prolly will end up begging my mom, but lord knows she would never, so yea, im wearing a boyscout uniform to the mall! its awesome! i look soooo ubber hott! im really bored so im going to go,

haha, ha. ha.

Fri, 14 May 2004 01:20:58 GMT

o well i just got back from my band concert, and i did fine, wasnt really nervous, just didnt wanna be there waste of my night, haha yea so i dont kknow, got a lovely message from amanda. and lets see, talked to my dad about my therpist, and he is going to get me one, and thats about it for now....aint that cute.

so on goes life

Thu, 13 May 2004 21:01:57 GMT

tyedye was fun, i guess, i duno, math was goo djust because mrs.korn left... um computer was computer and history was alright, i studied for the test so it was good...

lets see, so bus ride home all i wanted to do was cry, and i had to choake back the tears, it sucked, and then i get home and its starts pouring, so i just sat down, in my driveway, and soaked in the rain.. and i just kinda sat there for aout 10 minutes, in the pouring rain, and i felt good, i like it..

and lets see yea, so i dont think i have a best friend anymore, thou im not really sure.. i mean says i dont notice when shes not at school, yet i did, and i mean i dont really see her making an attempt to talk to me, i duno when the last time i got a call was, but i duno, shes got her travis, so i guess thats all she needs, ya know because hes the only one that would relize when shes dead, wahtever..

and yea, i get to go to the dashboard/thrice concert with maria on wendsday night, im really excited, and when they play my songs ill be happy

i feel abandoned, im really sad, heh

more later, i have a concert tonight at moeller...

-lu-

thifting, tyedie, and blah

Wed, 12 May 2004 21:32:21 GMT

so today was a day, i skipped band, fuck band i ahte it, so i just came home, and if i get introble who cares, im quitting anyway, and so i came home and went thrifting and got green n orage cargo pants, and i got a grey shirt that says Mohawk Madness 2003, i duno what that is i just liked the shirt and i knew my mom wouldnt, so i got it, lol... and im really excited to tyedye tomorrow in science, that will be fun, and will make time passby faster, and yea tahts all for now, ill write more later
-lu-